Governor Stitt To Sign Groundbreaking Pro-Life Bill Allowing Fetuses to Open Carry in Womb

By: Selene Nyx

OKLAHOMA CITY — A groundbreaking new bill has been brought to the desk of Governor Kevin Stitt this week, one that supporters call a common sense measure that should have been implemented long ago. The bill, named “The Fetus Protection Act,” allows for fetuses to carry weapons in the womb in order to defend themselves against potential abortions.

“It’s a huge win for both the pro-life and pro-second amendment communities,” said one Oklahoma Congressman. “Life begins at conception. Therefore, zygotes have the rights of every other American citizen, including the right to bear arms.”

Arming America’s Youngest Patriots

Critics have questioned the logistics of arming a unicellular organism. However, Governor Stitt’s office has announced new initiatives aimed at arming these young Americans, including the development of molecular firearms that will be delivered via Amazon’s new microscopic drone program.

Spiritual Approval and Economic Opportunities

We reached out to an 8-week-old fetus for comment. Although it is technically incapable of thought, we were able to discern through the Holy Spirit that the fetus approves of this new legislation.

“I think it’s a great idea,” said Tulsa native and local NRA chair Johnny Gunseller. “This opens up a whole new market for the firearm industry. Imagine it—a gun show full of ultrasound machines to talk to potential customers. It is heartwarming to be able to share our hobby with our youngest Americans. Thank you Governor Stitt!”

The Signing Ceremony

Governor Stitt is set to sign the bill in the upcoming week, accompanied by five fetuses and their host bodies.

In Oklahoma, life begins at conception—and now, so does concealed carry.