TULSA —
With electricity bills reaching unbearable heights across Oklahoma, the Public Service Company of Oklahoma (PSO) has launched a desperate new relief program called “Out of Options,” allowing customers to sign over their souls as partial payment to avoid disconnection.
The program is targeted at those who’ve exhausted every other resource: maxed-out credit cards, CashApp Borrow, payday lenders, plasma donation, and even pawned wedding rings/PS5. When there’s nothing left to give, PSO now takes your soul (as partial payment).
“This is for customers with absolutely no other means,” said one PSO rep.
“We’re doing everything we can to keep people cool this summer.”
But for many, the soul trade is the lesser evil compared to PSO’s customer service, which customers say feels like hell.
“It’s a gamble,” said Tulsa resident Kevin Drummond.
“One agent tells you your bill is twenty bucks and they’ll fix everything. You hang up relieved—until next month it comes back almost doubled. Then you call again and the next person tells you you owe $300 and a blood sacrifice.”
“Those employees need to realize our livelihood it’s on their hands,” another customer added.
“Sometimes you hang up and keep calling back over and over until you finally find someone willing to work with you. Most agents seem deranged or high.”
“I live in a one-bedroom and I’m barely even home,” said Jessica Morales, a tenant at a Tulsa apartment complex.
“I turn off all the lights, unplug everything, and still my bill is almost $300. When you call and ask why, they tell you it’s just the average in your area. Like what does that even mean?”
According to whistleblowers, the souls collected under this program are being sold in bulk to Victory Church for reasons that remain undisclosed.
“It’s all confidential,” said one anonymous source.
“But if your lights are still on, you may no longer technically own yourself.”
The Oklahoma Gaslight will continue reporting on these developments—because someone has to.
