This Saturday, June 14, Tulsa Will Join More Than 1,500 Cities Across the Country in the “No Kings” Protest
A mass mobilization against authoritarianism, cults of personality, and the creeping transformation of democracy into something that reminds us a lot of that one German guy with the funny mustache who also loved military parades, silencing dissent, and rewriting history but with worse hair and orange.
The protest intentionally falls on President Donald J. Trump’s 79th birthday, and organizers aren’t subtle about it. The message is clear: we’ve seen this movie before, and it usually ends with book bans, statues of the Dear Leader, and the phrase “final solution” appearing in state policy memos. Wait! That’s already happening.
Tulsa Protest Schedule – June 14
- 10:00 a.m. – 41st & Yale
- 12:00 p.m. – Woodland Hills Mall (east lot)
- 2:00 p.m. – Tulsa County Courthouse
Protesters are expected to carry signs that read “No Kings,” “Authoritarianism Isn’t Patriotism,” and “This Is What 1933 Felt Like, Too.” Demonstrations will be peaceful, but if history — or Oklahoma policing — is any guide, they may not stay that way for long.
Stitt Prepares for Protesters Like It’s the Blitzkrieg
Governor Kevin Stitt has already promised that arrests will be made if protesters step out of line, though he has not clarified what “out of line” means. Based on previous actions, it likely includes:
- Standing near a fountain with conviction
- Quoting the Constitution without permission
- Speaking in any foreign language
“We support peaceful protest,” Stitt said, “but law and order must come first. The kind of law that comes with armored SUVs. And the kind of order that’s silent.”
Birthday Boy With a God Complex
While protesters march under the summer sun, President Trump will be celebrating his birthday in air-conditioned delusion, surrounded by flags and a group of people telling him how great he is.
Our reporters inside the Mar-a-Lago Command Bunker (formerly the guest room) say the festivities include:
- A cake shaped like Mount Rushmore, with Trump added
- A reading of Mein Covfefe by Eric Trump
- And a ceremonial moment of silence for “all the great leaders wrongly accused by history books”
“He’s not a king,” one supporter insisted. “He’s just the single voice of the people, above the law, beyond reproach, and unable to remember basic geography. That’s called strength.”
The President has also allegedly requested a military flyover of his ego, but the FAA has not confirmed whether the airspace is large enough.
Washing Protest Off the Streets
In a final press briefing, Governor Stitt reminded Oklahomans that they are free to protest — as long as they do it quietly, politely, and far from any visible locations.
“We’re not here to stop people from speaking,” he said, “we’re just here to remind them that we could.”
This year’s protest comes amid renewed calls for school censorship, anti-immigrant policies, and “pro-America curriculum,” which one Tulsa teacher described as “vaguely fascist, but with cowboy fonts.”
The Oklahoma Gaslight will be covering the protest live from all three locations at once — unless we are arrested, flagged, or deported to El Salvador.
